we have officially lost it.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
