And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
we made out on top of his cat.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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