oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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