i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Every concussion has its silver lining
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
