Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
