I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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