I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
