my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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