You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
