Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
