look no pants
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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