whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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