I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
