you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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