im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
