I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
