you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
