apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's rum buckets o'clock
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
