i think my mom watched the whole time
dude i'm inner monologue high
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
