this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
