Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
