my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
