Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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