I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
