I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
