Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is Oprah even human
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
