Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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