In the future we'll all be gay
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
