I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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