Your mouth is God's brothel.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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