singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
