I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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