Slut skills are useful in every country.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Watching her eat just hurts me
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
