Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dear god my vagina.
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