you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
