we have pet lesbian snakes
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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