The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
