I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
