I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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