Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
