never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
