I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
