I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
