butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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