Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
