proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
