watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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