i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
