You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
