Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
