Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
