What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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