Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
