Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
