Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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