It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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