I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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